At this point, everything is in a state of transition. The very middle of transition. My parents' house is getting new paint and floors on the main level before the wedding (!!!), so everything is in flux. My fiance has packed up his stuff in his grandmother's basement so that his parents can start building a bathroom down there so they can move in. Eventually, we're supposed to move into their house. This past week, my mom was gone a lot because my 103.5-year-old great grandmother was moved into hospice, and then passed away on Saturday. Her funeral will be this coming Saturday. All the while, the details of the wedding are rapidly starting to need my attention.
As you can see, my blog has suffered from the craziness I described above. I haven't written in a long time. I didn't want this blog to be purely 'journal' entries, but lately I haven't had time to put into writing much else! Since I have been neglecting this blog, my fiance has started a blog of his own called I Am Engineer Mike. He updates every Monday (do you see that, Molly? R-E-G-U-L-A-R-L-Y) and yesterday, he posted a blog about whether or not he is ready for our life together.
That got me thinking about whether or not I am ready. Like Mike wrote, to think that I am ready would only expose a flaw in my own character. How on earth could I be ready to start living with a non-relative closer than I have ever lived with anyone else before? As a senior in college when I thought about marriage, it hit me how totally foreign that set up appears on the outside. You take two completely different people, with different life experiences, different background, different habits, different ideas about things, and then merge their lives together. What a scary undertaking that could be!
You'll never be closer (or you shouldn't ever be closer) to anyone else but your spouse. Yet, as you enter marriage, there are still a lot of things left to be learned! You've vowed to enter a relationship that up front says, 'We are going to be closer to each other than anyone else,' and yet there is a journey to actually get there. I thought the other day about Michael's best friend. He has known Mike since they were 11 years old. He has so much history with Michael, built so much trust. I haven't known Michael anywhere near that long and yet, I'm going to be closer to him than his best friend.
I think what it will come down to is practice. You know, 'practice makes perfect' and all that jazz. Life is like practice, and I imagine married life together is going to need a lot of practice. I need to practice listening as well as practice looking past the 'meta-messages' I hear that aren't there (see chapter 2 in Happily Ever After by Toben and Joanne Heim). We'll need practice communicating and practice resolving conflict, as well as practice doing practical things: chores, shower times, and just plain living together. Everyday will be a new day to practice again. Then, after 20 years maybe we'll have some aspects of married life down and we'll be practicing new ones. :)
So the answer is no, I am not ready at all either. I can't foresee what it will be like to wake up next to him everday, to make our lunches, to deal with misunderstandings. I can say I am confident in who Mike is and I am not afraid to tackle this unknown with him, to practice everyday with him.
So, honey, here's to the years and years of practice we have ahead of us! I love you!
(and maybe in that time, I'll get practiced at blogging regularly, too!)
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