One Scary Word: Career

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Do you remember getting that question asked to you all of the time in elementary school?  I suppose it's one of the easiest ways to start a conversation with a kid that age.  I was never afraid of that question.  I had it planned out, apparently.  I came across a picture I drew when I was about seven or eight of what I wanted to be when I grew up:  a ballerina, a clown, and a babysitter.  Talk about ambitious!  I wouldn't be able to wear my clown outfit babysitting, though, I'm sure.  Ha.

However, the older I got, the scarier that question seemed to get.  In middle school and high school, figuring out what you wanted to do with the rest of your life helped determine the classes you took, the grades you needed to get, the test scores you needed to achieve.  I somehow settled on radio.

I picked a college and survived freshman year.  Sophomore year, I began my radio classes and discovered I was not a huge fan of being a DJ.  Thanks to my mother's encouraging wisdom, I completed my degree since there wasn't really much else I was interested in majoring in.  Now, I had to actually live that 'What do you want to be when you grow up' moment.  I had to start my career.

That word frightens me.  Career.  Your journey through the professional world.  What you will do for the rest of your life.  Something you can ruin if you're not in check on a bad day.  Something you can change, but not easily and not usually without going back to school.  What DO I want to do for the rest of my life? 

Mobile Posting Test: Partial Fail.

Testing mobile posting. This is Kuma on our hike up Devil's Head on Saturday. He did well. Now we'll see if this posts...

EDIT:

Well, it posted the text, but not the photo.  Maybe e-mail would do better with that...

Irrational Fears: The Dentist

 
Fear is a funny thing.  It's something built into us, evident even as a little baby.  We're scared of Uncle Joe with that big beard.  We're scared of the sound the vacuum cleaner makes.  Eventually we move onto being scared of the dark and scared from the monsters we saw in that movie.  As we get older, we usually grow out of most of those fears but not always.  Sometimes we hang on to a few 'irrational' ones.

For example, I came to grips recently with how incredibly terrified I am of the dentist.  At 22-years-old, this would be considered by some an 'irrational' fear, no matter how common.  TONS of people are scared of the dentist.  In my opinion, with good reason.  When I was in fourth grade, I was told because of my cavities I needed to have two teeth pulled.  Thankfully, they were my baby molars so it wasn't a big deal.  I'm sure I was nervous, but probably not nearly as much as I am now after the experience I had then.

The dentist gets in there and numbs me up . . .  or so he thought.  After a short time, he begins working roughly on my teeth.  I could still feel it.  It hurt!  So, as the big brave fourth grader I was, I started crying BIG, big crocodile tears.  Finally, the dental assistant pointed my tears out to him.

'Why are you crying?' he demanded.
'It hurts!' I tearfully replied.
'No it doesn't.  I numbed you up,' came his annoyed retort, and away he worked.

Eventually, the numbness set in so it was no longer physically painful.  Unfortunately, that was my first emotionally scarring event at the dentist.

The next time I visited this dentist for serious dental work was in high school.  I had 'decay' on my teeth and they were going to do a new method to take it off:  basically, sand blasting.  It was supposed to be painless.  Not so.  At least, not for me.

I had two separate appointments for this procedure.  One for one side of my mouth, and the other for the opposite side.  They gave me headphones and let me pick out a movie which I thought was cool.  It turned out to be quite pointless.  Not only did they have to put a washcloth over my eyes to keep my tooth dust out of them, they knocked my headphones off.  The high pressure whatchamajig they were using was painful to me.  I cried under the washcloth.  When she removed the washcloth at the end, the dental assistant said, 'Oh, we've smudged your makeup.  Here let me get that for you.'  What she was really washing away was my running mascara from my tears.

My mother insisted I tell them at the next appointment that it hurt me.  I did not want to.  So mom stepped in for me.  When the dental assistant told the dentist that it hurt me last time, he let out an exasperated sigh and told me to raise my hand when it hurt.  Half way through, it began to hurt and up when my arm and out went an annoyed sigh from his lips.  I never wanted to go back to him.

Unfortunately for every other dentist in the world now, that one dentist has colored my view of all of them.  So, when my teeth started hurting a few weeks back, dread was my overwhelming feeling about calling for an appointment.  I finally scheduled one when I couldn't chew on my right side anymore.  That appointment went ok.  Yes, I was nervous.  No, I wasn't happy to be there.  Turns out, it was just a popcorn hull.  Yahoo! . . . Oh wait, the dentist is still going to come check me out?  Does he have to?  Well, he did and decided I needed four fillings on my right side.  I scheduled for the following Monday, a weekend away.

All weekend, I found myself dwelling on Monday morning.  My husband had to work and couldn't come with me.  What if the dentist was rough?  What if he didn't wait long enough for me to numb up?  What if he botched the whole deal?  What if?  I put myself into panic mode.

I think this is where the irrational part comes in for me.  As you have just read, my fear of dentists is not unfounded.  However, due to the amount of time I've had to dwell on it (more than 3 years), the intensity of my fear of the dentist is probably irrational.  I felt helpless to calm myself.  I knew at my age I should be so terrified of the dentist . . . but I was.

Since my hubby was going to be otherwise occupied, I caved and called my mom to be my moral support.  She arrived shortly before I was called back.  I was SO glad to have her there.  Conversation with her was a welcome distraction.

I was so nervous and being nervous wouldn't be so bad if my body didn't decide to be nervous for me!  Nervous doesn't just = emotional for me; it's also very physical.  It makes waiting that much more unbearable.  I got into the chair and talked to my mom while the dental assistant prepared things.  The dentist came in after a while and shot me up to be numb.  After informing the dental team that I take a while to numb, the dentist gave me about a billion shots.  To my surprise (and relief) they were mostly painless.  I'd also rather him overkill than under do.  That didn't keep my nerves down much though.  I think it may have been them finally releasing, but I was shaking so badly I put my hands in my pockets and let out a few tears even though it wasn't very painful.

I kept conversing with my mom as my face got number.  I picked out a movie and made a trip to the bathroom.  Then, it started.  . . .

Not so bad actually.  Not with this dentist anyways.  Every once in a while, he'd stop and ask if I was still doing ok.  After about an hour and a half, we were all done.  Thank goodness, too, because halfway through I needed to use the restroom again!  (Don't drink a lot of water before going to the dentist).   Even though my face was still VERY numb, I drove into work.  My husband laughed at my pitifully as I could only talk out of one side of my mouth.  Talking was interesting for sure, but my teeth felt fine.

While going to the dentist wasn't at all pleasant, it was nearly 100% better than my past dentist visits.  Maybe, just maybe, I am making steps toward shrinking my irrational fears.  Maybe growing up isn't all bad.

Hello Again

I took the dog for a walk this morning.  We have this new 'walking collar' for him which has straps that go all over his face.  Ok, well not all over his face.  It looks like this:

That was the best shot I could get of it on him.  He's a little bit wiggly.  The harness leads him by his nose, instead of around the neck.  It's supposed to discourage pulling.  It seems to work ok when he's not fighting it.  Even though I've implemented the desensitizing process they had in the instructions, he's still reaches for his nose or thrashes his head.  However, I think I prefer it to the choke-collar we had been using.  He pulls a lot less with this new fandangled contraption.

Anyways,  besides the new walking collar, the walk this morning was nice.  I really should do it more often; I just greatly dislike waking up early.  The sun should be up when I get up.  Despite this dislike, I got up to my barely audible alarm at 5:45 am this morning and got myself and the dog ready.  My husband planned on coming with but woke up from a rough early morning sleep and with an aching back.  So Kuma and I set off, treats in hoodie pocket and iPod in hand.

I love walking.  It's slightly more difficult with the dog because he is trying to pay attention to everything around him (we need to get him out SO much more), but it's still nice.  There's no one out in the morning.  Just me, the dog, a light music playlist, and the distant morning traffic.  It's a great time to relax even though I'm working.   I don't have to be thinking about or doing anything else.  Just walking.

On the way back, I decided to jog a bit.  Mind you, I don't jog much so it wasn't long.  I tried to concentrate on making sure my heel hit first to protect my knees.  That's a lot harder than it sounds.  The dog, who always wants to go faster, could not figure this jogging thing out.  He saw me pick up the pace and must have thought, 'We're running? OK!'  He reached the end of the leash and seemed confused.  He slowed down until he reached my side and noticed me jogging again and it was as if the same thought ran through his head: 'We're running? OK!' and sped to the end of the leash.  Silly puppy.

My sisters are contemplating a Couch to 5k work out and I thought about it a lot this morning on my walk.  I think I might try it out.  I have no idea where I'd jog 5k though.  It'd be nice to have a goal to work towards.  I'll have to ask them about it. :)

Oh, the neglect!

Abandoned!  The poor blog.  So cruel.

Unfortunately, I've been both busy and uninspired as of late.  I know, 'excuses, excuses,' and they may very well be just that.  That's my reason though.

Perhaps the monotony has ceased!  My older sister and her family have moved in town and she has started a fashion blog for my sisters and me.  It's called Four Sisters and a Dandelion and we all posted our introductions last night.  I think it will be an exciting project!  I hope we keep it more diligently than I keep this blog, however.

So, what's new you wonder?  Well, maybe you don't but here it goes anyways.  For starters, my big sister and her family moved in town!  They are looking for jobs and trying to settle down here.  It's nice to have them in town.  It's super nice to have my niece in town, too!  That's probably about it.  I'm still working everyday.  The dog is chewing stuff like crazy (angry face).  My man and I are constantly unpacking and working on the house.  OH! We bought a Wii! That's new. 

As you can see, this is why I  haven't written in a while.  I've run dry of ideas recently.  I need to just keep a notebook of blog ideas so when I have nothing to write about, I can come up with something.

Nonetheless, check out our new blog! And hope I update this again soon!  Maybe the day after tomorrow?
 

Updating: Life in General

My last post was about my 'jammed nester' and I am happy to report that we are slowly making progress!  We actually had someone stay in the guest room this past week (though, it was just a queen size mattress on the floor surrounded with our stuff still)!  My husband also almost has his computer room all set up.  I am slowly, and I mean  s   l   o   w   l   y  getting the kitchen put together.  I cooked dinner last night and we ate at the table!  YAY! 

Concerning decorating, Michael and I are searching for posters we both like.  The one he already has that we both love would be a fortune to frame and dangerous to dry mount since it is no longer available in the size he has.  We'll get there. :)

So here I am at work, feeling much less productive than I imagine myself being if I was at home.  Laundry and dishes to do, messes to clean up, floors to sweep, boxes to unpack!  However, I also took a moment to look through some facebook pictures of my man and started to think about life as it was last year.  It was fun.  There are milestones to look forward to now.

In 21 days, we will have been together for a year.  (All of you who were aghast at our speed may now gasp).  It's neat for me.  Last time I was in an official long term relationship, it was officially over on our one year anniversary.  I'm excited to reach 1 year because I know Michael isn't going anywhere.  I'm excited to count the coming years as well. 

My sister and her family have been in town for a while which is awesome.  What's not so awesome is that they leave on Saturday and I feel like I've barely seen them at all.  Working stinks.  :/  My siblings get to spend all this time with her and her baby.  I'm here at work in front of a computer screen all week while they're entertaining the baby and interacting with my sister and her husband.  Boo.

It's been thunderstorms for several days in a row now, here.  It's just like it used to be when I was a little kid!  Afternoon thunderstorms over the mountains.  We used to sit and watch while eating popsicles on the back porch until it got closer and we ran scared.  For as much as the dog seemed to LOATHE fireworks, he doesn't seem to mind thunder much.

Speaking of the dog, he's starting to get bigger.  Not just in size, but also in mentality.  He's grown out of the puppy 'love everyone' stage and he's started to bark.  Not constantly, just more often.  We've determined I shall never be snuck up upon while doing laundry, or just facing away from the world.  He even barks at my husband, like he did this morning while I was making our lunch in the kitchen, when they approach or walk by when I'm facing a wall.  While I know I'm protected by him, we're going to have to work on that. 

He's also lost his baby teeth.  Michael said you never really see them, but Kuma decided to prove him wrong by losing 2 in front of us on different occasions.  His big dog teeth are coming in and they look much too large for his mouth at the moment.  Right now though, he's struggling with chewing a little bit because he's got his front teeth in, his molars in, and everything between is missing.  Cute puppy.

Well, that's all for now.  That's the update on life right now.  Until next time!

Houston, we have a problem...

There is this thing called 'nesting' to which I have been recently introduced.  Nesting is usually defined as something a pregnant lady does ("Baby is coming. Must clean!!!"), but it is not uncommon for newlywed wives to also have this urge to build a home.

Feminists would absolutely balk at this.  That would mean that women are instinctually mothers.  I wonder how they explain their sudden needs to clean and decorate.  I believe that women are generally hardwired to lean toward certain tendencies that define what is feminine.  Nesting is certainly one of those things.

Nesting is a LOT of fun if you can do it.  You clean and de-clutter and rearrange and decorate.  You make the space that is yours much more your own.  You get this sudden urge to make it better.  Make it perfect.  Scrubbing, painting, moving, selling, giving away, buying.  Revamping!

Just this past weekend, my hubby and I made the move from his grandmother's basement to his parents' house.  We are switching places with them.  I use the term 'switching' in the present participle because we are still in the process.  To give you an indication, my man and I agreed at lunch that moving into an empty house is much easier.  That's why I'm calling Houston about a problem.  My nester is jammed!

Part of my problem is that I've had a long time to imagine (fantasize?) about what I could do with the space once we decided we had made the trade.  I think I have arrived at many unrealistic visions for not only our current monetary situation but also the shape of the space.  Not to mention, my vision is not like my husbands.  We had a funny moment the other day about his posters.  Michael has quite a collection of posters.  We moved the TV into place and looked at the blank wall space above it.  Michael wanted something there, and he said he had something in mind but I wouldn't like it.  He was right!  It was a Simpsons poster that looked like the Soprano's logo.  I'm ok with that in the computer room, I said, but not the living room.

Yet, my husband is the best thing for me during this.  My jammed nester is both frustrating and overwhelming to me.  There is so much left to do!  Michael calmly tells me to take it one room at a time, assures me we will get it done, and instructs me not to take on the whole house at once or I will breakdown (like I did today at lunch!).  His logic is good for my emotions.  :)

Tonight, we go home to unpack some more and make room for our wedding gifts which have been sitting unopened in my parents' basement since the wedding.  At some point, we'll un-bury our boxes of kitchen stuff and we'll buy groceries so I can start cooking and baking.  SO EXCITED for that.

Until next time, I'll be nesting and packing and unpacking and trying my best to keep my nester unjammed.

Life as I know it

There are so many events that make up life.  It's just overwhelming to think about.  Do you ever listen to the stories from your grandparents?  Or even your parents?  They have really experienced so much in life.  All those events that happen seemingly 'stand alone' make up life.  They also make for an entertaining afternoon talking in the living room.

Right now, I'm just starting to really collect those experiences.  I hope I will have some entertaining ones.  I want my grandkids to tell my stories to all of their awesome friends.

This is not what I really wanted to post, but I don't have the pictures downloaded yet that I want to share, so this is what I'm posting!

May 11th, against our better judgment and original plans, we bought a dog.  Our original plan was to buy a dog when one of us could be home all day so the dog could be trained properly.  One day while I was waiting for something at work before I could do my job, I wandered onto craigslist.com to fill the time and went to the pets section.  At the top I found this ad with 3 pictures of adorable puppies.  Husky/Lab/Mastiff mixes. Four months old. $50.  I sent the link to my husband and minutes later got a call with, 'How could you send that to me?  I want to go get one.' We talked a little bit and arranged to go see them and well...we came home with Kuma.

Kuma means bear in Japanese. He was the mellowest of the puppies, but he'd also already gotten into a lot of trouble before we bought him!  He had surgery for intestinal blockage after he chewed off and swallowed carpet foam padding.  Also, a short time before we got him he had chewed on a TV cable and burnt his lip.  We think maybe that's why he's so mellow...Maybe.  Maybe he's just sneaky that way.

He really is a pretty well behaved dog.  He's caught on to potty training pretty well.  Sometimes if we're not paying attention, he decides he can't hold it anymore and we find a puddle but that is becoming less and less frequent.  He is also a scaredy dog.  We've found that he might be terrified of open spaces.  When I take him out in all of the green grass by the ballfield, he puts his ears back, tucks his tail, and bolts (as far as the leash will let him).  Poor thing.  If I can figure out how to mobile post, I'll try to post a picture from my phone of our adorable puppy. 

My husband and I are still living in his grandmother's basement, waiting to move.  We will be approaching 2 months of marriage soon.  We have lived all except one week (our honeymoon) in the basement.  This is the reason why it was against our better judgment to go ahead and buy a dog.  This long process is getting quite stressful on all of the parties involved.  Communication skills are being tested to the max.  Personally, eating out has worn off it's appeal.  I long to have a kitchen!  Yet, despite our impatience and frustration, we are provided for where we are at even if it's not what we'd like. 

I am playing softball this summer!  This is the first time I've taken part in an organized sport (if you don't count dance/dance team).  It's fun.  :)  I get butterflies in my stomach before the games.  Last Tuesday, I struck out but we still won handily!  If I play on the field, I play catcher which I enjoy.  Not a lot of pressure. Heehee....

These are just a few of the things going on in my life right now.  Maybe someday, I will tell my grandkids in the living room about what my life was like and they will be amazed. :D 

Deadlines and Extensions

In college, the joke about deadlines was, "I like deadlines.  I like the 'wooshing' sound they make as they go by."  While hilarious, that of course was not the way I usually operated.  I cherished those As and Bs I got.  When I couldn't make a deadline, I got an extension.  I got pretty good at understanding which professors would hear my plea and allow an extension.  I'd like to say I only used them when there was no way on earth to manage all of the assignments I had for various classes.  Truth be told, sometimes the deadline snuck up on me.  Pesky little things.

I knew in the back of my mind, however, that in 'the real world' there wouldn't normally be extensions for deadlines.  The time my boss needed stuff to be done was the time it was going to have to be done.   Deadlines always seemed like they would get exponentially more important in 'real life.'  Now that I'm here though, I'm not sure that they are.

To be sure, work deadlines are still pretty immovable.  I have to get tomorrow's show done and out the door before I leave or there will be no show and eventually no job.  It's the deadlines in other parts of life that seem to mean absolutely nothing.

For example, a couple I work with is trying to adopt a child from overseas.  They are incredibly open to where they adopt from, they just want a baby.  They started out in a few African countries before the adoption process changed and changed and changed and are now on a list for adopting a baby from Korea.  They were steadily moving up the list for a while.  They had been told they could have their baby boy within a few months.  A few months!  Wow!  They were so excited and so were all of us at work.  They were making preparations, meeting appointments, and attending classes when....

'woosh'

The deadline moved.  Korea decided to change their adoption policy, too.  Now, once you get matched to your child you must wait a year.  The couple month deadline they had been given before was thrown completely out the window.  No meaning any longer.  Korea just got an extension.

Another example is the housing situation in which my brand new husband and I find ourselves.  This past year, my husband lived in his 97 year old grandmother's basement so she had someone in the house with her.  Getting married would mean he would move out and she would be alone again.  His mother, who is his grandmother's primary caretaker, offered us a deal:  Since she is always over there anyways, my husband's parents would move into the basement and we could rent their 3 bedroom rancher for cheap so they wouldn't have to find someone they trust to rent it to.  The stipulation was that there needed to be a bathroom in the basement before his parents could move as his mother has health issues which make navigating the stairs often difficult.

Before we left on our honeymoon, the plan was that we could sleep in the 3 bedroom rancher when we got back even if the house wasn't packed up.

'woosh'

Bye-bye to the first deadline set in the process.  Since the return from the honeymoon, my husband and I have been living in the basement of his grandmother's, waiting for this whole deal to be finished.  It has now been a month since our wedding and I find myself waffling between being frustrated and impatient and being accepting and sort of oblivious.  We've since been given a few more deadlines of 'We think we can make the move this or next weekend,' all of which have 'wooshed' by, adding extension after extension. 

I struggle with the lack of respect for these deadlines and the constant extension of them.  I think I must know how the professors I got extensions from feel.  It just drags it out and drags it out.

I don't think I like the sound of extensions 'wooshing' by any more. :P

Transition

So the wedding is over.

The honeymoon is over.

Real life is back.

And it's not 'normal.'

When I was little, I was the Queen of Homesick at slumber parties.  We'd get ready for bed, lay down, and I'd listen to all of the unfamiliar sounds and just panic.  Not much later, I would be on the phone with my mom or dad begging them to come pick me up.  It was the unfamiliar that set me on edge.  The sounds.  The smells.  The routine.  It wasn't like 'at home.'

I finally grew mostly out of my homesickness by middle school.  I was able to cope a little bit better with the unfamiliar.  Then, I moved to college.  I went through a whole new kind of homesickness: the kind where there is no calling home and getting picked up and escaping the unfamiliar.  I had a few breakdowns within the first month, but then school became the new normal.  The new familiar.  It was still hard for the next 3 years whenever I left my family and home, but it got better because school was my second home.  Then later, the house I rented at school was a second home.

In each of these stages in my life, though, I knew that eventually I would be going home.  Home to the house I grew up in.  Home to the people I grew up with.  Now I am in a new stage of life.  A new state of life transition.  In this stage, I am making a new permanent home.  My new permanent home is with my Husband.  This stage is so much harder than I ever imagined.  It's hard to grasp the gravity of the event when while you're dating and engaged, the only thought you have is that you're tired of saying goodbye and you simply want to spend all of your time with your loved one.  After that thought though, you return to the familiar and you're robbed of the impact.

Well, that impact has hit full force now.  It is compounded by the fact that we currently do not have our new permanent home.  My nesting impulse is completely confounded.  I want to clean and decorate and rearrange and make a space ours.  But today, we're still in limbo, waiting for some sense of stability.  We are in a holding pattern for the next 2 weeks (we decided together).  I feel lost as to how to make this work.  It is so unlike anything else I've experienced.  I find it hard not to withdraw.  So, I need to reach out.

I reached out to my mother for help, and this was her advice to me:  It's all about attitude.  Pray for help with your attitude.  When I was 14, I went on a mission trip to Ukraine as a spoiled American brat.  I came back different.  I went again 2 more times, the last during college.  Right before I went on that trip, my attitude about life was awful.  I was fighting with everyone and downright depressed and miserable.  After going on the trip, my perspective was changed again.  My mom's advice continued:

At this point, tell yourself I can withstand anything for 2 weeks. Then think of all you saw in the Ukraine . . . it might help put things in perspective. It is not what you envisioned for yourself, but maybe it is right where you should be . . .

Thank you, Mom.  I guess I need to just breathe, rearrange and clean what space I have left, and pray desperately for God's help to help me see past the discomfort, the unfamiliar and the unstable.  All the while, I need to enjoy every second I have with my husband.  Find the joy in the moment.

And make new peace with the new 'normal.'

Practice

11 days left, and life is crazier than ever!

At this point, everything is in a state of transition.  The very middle of transition.  My parents' house is getting new paint and floors on the main level before the wedding (!!!), so everything is in flux.  My fiance has packed up his stuff in his grandmother's basement so that his parents can start building a bathroom down there so they can move in. Eventually, we're supposed to move into their house.  This past week, my mom was gone a lot because my 103.5-year-old great grandmother was moved into hospice, and then passed away on Saturday.  Her funeral will be this coming Saturday.  All the while, the details of the wedding are rapidly starting to need my attention.

As you can see, my blog has suffered from the craziness I described above.  I haven't written in a long time.  I didn't want this blog to be purely 'journal' entries, but lately I haven't had time to put into writing much else!  Since I have been neglecting this blog, my fiance has started a blog of his own called I Am Engineer Mike.  He updates every Monday (do you see that, Molly? R-E-G-U-L-A-R-L-Y) and yesterday, he posted a blog about whether or not he is ready for our life together.

That got me thinking about whether or not I am ready.  Like Mike wrote, to think that I am ready would only expose a flaw in my own character.  How on earth could I be ready to start living with a non-relative closer than I have ever lived with anyone else before?  As a senior in college when I thought about marriage, it hit me how totally foreign that set up appears on the outside.  You take two completely different people, with different life experiences, different background, different habits, different ideas about things, and then merge their lives together.  What a scary undertaking that could be!

You'll never be closer (or you shouldn't ever be closer) to anyone else but your spouse.  Yet, as you enter marriage, there are still a lot of things left to be learned!  You've vowed to enter a relationship that up front says, 'We are going to be closer to each other than anyone else,' and yet there is a journey to actually get there.  I thought the other day about Michael's best friend.  He has known Mike since they were 11 years old.  He has so much history with Michael, built so much trust.  I haven't known Michael anywhere near that long and yet, I'm going to be closer to him than his best friend.

I think what it will come down to is practice.  You know, 'practice makes perfect' and all that jazz.  Life is like practice, and I imagine married life together is going to need a lot of practice.  I need to practice listening as well as practice looking past the 'meta-messages' I hear that aren't there (see chapter 2 in Happily Ever After by Toben and Joanne Heim).  We'll need practice communicating and practice resolving conflict, as well as practice doing practical things: chores, shower times, and just plain living together.  Everyday will be a new day to practice again.  Then, after 20 years maybe we'll have some aspects of married life down and we'll be practicing new ones. :) 

So the answer is no, I am not ready at all either.  I can't foresee what it will be like to wake up next to him everday, to make our lunches, to deal with misunderstandings.  I can say I am confident in who Mike is and I am not afraid to tackle this unknown with him, to practice everyday with him.

So, honey, here's to the years and years of practice we have ahead of us! I love you!
(and maybe in that time, I'll get practiced at blogging regularly, too!)

The Little Things

"Movies and magazines,
Filling our heads with dreams.
Love is the little things.
Love changes everything."
--by Pomplamoose, "Little Things"

Life is all about the little things.  You know, about the things that we think we barely notice but that make a big difference.  You notice when they aren't there.  For example, sunshine.  I know the Sun isn't exactly little, but it's not necessarily something you think much about as you go throughout your day.  Yet, when it's been missing a while you really start to notice.  I personally am addicted to sunshine so I notice pretty quickly.
Something someone says could make a big impact on you (for good or for ill) when it was just a passing remark.  Maybe a 15 minute work out will do wonders for someone's outlook on life at the moment.  Perhaps the opportunity to enjoy nature for a few minutes is enough to relax a whole lot.  It might come down to whether or not you got your morning hug from the one you love.  Heck, for a good amount of people I'd bet whether or not there is coffee will make a big difference on a day (though, those people would most likely argue coffee is no small thing).
The celebration of a birthday.  Green lights all the way to work.  A thank you card.  Getting 'your' parking spot.  A good outing with your dog in training.  Having your favorite cereal for breakfast.  A phone conversation with a good friend.  One word from someone.

It's weird how little things can affect you...

Dear Church Venue: NOT COOL

 

Warning:  This is a very rant-tastical post. 

If you read back a little into this blog, you'll find an entry on venue searching for my wedding.  You'll see that we had some trouble finding one to fit the budget.  Though I didn't mention it, we also had trouble finding a church venue that allowed dancing.  Eventually, we found a venue that from what we understood allowed dancing and was within our budget.  As of today, we are 58 days out from our wedding.  Yesterday, I got a call from the wedding coordinator.  It wasn't good news.  I think this ranty letter I wrote on my wedding support site should explain:


Dear A.B. Evangelical Free Church:

I would like to be able to say I appreciate your phone call yesterday.  I really would, but I don't.  Oh sure, we could say I appreciate that it was now, 2 months before the wedding, instead of 2 weeks before.  Either way, it's not ok.

Dancing was one of the first questions we asked you about.  You said that should be fine within reason seeing that this is a church.  Totally ok.   I mentioned the dollar dance/money dance and you got a little nervous since you didn't know what it was.  That's ok. That dance is not a requirement.  We had just started to gather our music yesterday.  Line dances.  Swing music.  Beautiful, sappy slow dances.  And then you call me:

"Talked to the pastor.  You can't do the money dance."
"That's ok."
"Yeah, you can do the First couple dance and the Father-daughter dance, but no other dances."
"So, is line dancing ok?"
"No. There are people at the church that are uncomfortable with it and while they won't be at your wedding, we'd still like to honor that. No group dancing."

You see, there is a reason we picked you for a venue.  Well, two reasons:  1.  You were relatively cheap.  2.  You said dancing would be ok (within reason, e.g. no stripping, bumping, grinding).  In fact, we chose you over a cheaper option, a Baptist church, because they said only the first and father-daughter dancing were acceptable.  We made it clear when checking you out initially that dancing was a priority to us.  There is nothing in the contract we signed about dancing and we've agreed to everything on there.

This is not cool.  Not cool at all.  We are going to have a serious talk, and if we have to, we're leaving.  I'm glad we haven't paid you anything yet, because I'm afraid it might come down to that.  I wish you would have told me earlier because just this week, all of our invitations went out with your address on them. 

We will do what we have to.  You'd better hope I can convince my man not to take you to small claims court for breach of contract. 
Sincerely,
Angry-jilted Bride

Late this morning, my man and I went to talk to the pastor.  We were not impressed.  We sat down, and I explained what we understood and how I was confused by the wedding coordinator's phone call. The pastor responded with what he said to my man's mom (who initially checked the place out for us and understood from him that dancing was ok).  I explained that's not what was communicated to us and that's why we were a little put out.  He answered defensively with, 'I know what I said to her. I know where I said it to her.'  Ah, I see. So you're sure you were absolutely clear and that my man's mom is making stuff up then?

We then talked about the wedding coordinator and what we understood from her.  She never said what we had in mind wasn't allowed.  Though, she never said it was either.  She said she'd check with the pastor.

Next I mentioned that the whole reason we picked them as our venue was that we understood dancing was ok. That the other cheaper baptist church had written into their contract that only these 2 dances were allowed (father/daugher & first couple's).   He said they would change their contract to reflect that for future people.  I said, 'If you're going to just stick with that, with those two dances, we're probably going to find a new venue.'  He said they were. So we said, 'Thank you for your time.'

Uuberly not impressed.  We don't like how we were treated, nor the lack of cooperation and abundance of defensiveness we encountered.  Although I profess to be a Christian, I have to say I REALLY don't understand all the churches around here and their no dancing policies. My man said, 'What do they want, a funeral march?  I thought a wedding was a celebration!'  Don't churches want that business?  That $800 we were going to pay them?  Needless to say we are not happy campers.  Back to the awful, terrible, no good venue search.

One of the comments I received on the mock-letter I posted above on my wedding support site said, "No dancing?  Is this church in the Footloose town?"  That's a good question.  Unfortunately, it seems to be a lot of the churches here! Goodness!

Why the Gym is Not My Valentine

 I hate the gym.

That’s not an uncommon statement.  A lot of people hate the gym.  There are a lot of reasons to hate the gym.  It just depends on your point of view.  I love to work out.  I love having the machines available to me.  I love being able to work out without embarrassment with my fiancé. 

But I still hate the gym.  And I will tell you why.

This took place the last Friday I was in the gym:

Checking into Fitness 24 is painless enough.  Show up.  Enter your 10-digit number and futuristically scan you finger and you’re good to go.  Very modern.  I did just that, shouldering my purse and workout bag.  Next, I found my way through the maze of machines back to the women’s locker room.  The first few days I worked out at the gym, the locker room was super awkward for me.  It’s still awkward to me, just less awkward now.  The locker room atmosphere, I must say, is one with which I am not familiar.  There are people everywhere in every stage of being dressed or undressed.  It was and sometimes still is somewhat shocking.  I don’t think I could ever feel as free to get down to my birthday suit with strangers everywhere as some of the ladies in there.  After I picked a place that has the fewest locks in the surrounding lockers, I started to change into my workout clothes as I overheard this sentence exchanged between two rather tiny girls:

 “I just weighed myself and I weigh 114 pounds. I’ve never weighed over 110!”

Don’t mistake that exclamation point as indication of excitement.  Like she was saying, “I finally weigh more than my dog or my little sister!”  It was rather an exclamation of disgust.  I could only react the same way . . . for a completely different reason.  I mean, really?  Of course, I understand that people are built differently and while I haven't weighed that little since late elementary school, she may be built to be around 115 pounds.  It just seems ridiculous to me to be complaining about that.  She looked absolutely skinny still.  Really, those 4 pounds are probably fantastic muscle she's built up from being at the gym.  Get a grip.

I finally finished changing and headed out to meet my man.  He usually rides the bike and I rotate during the week between the treadmill, elliptical, and reclined bike as I feel like it.  I imagine being a man at the gym, it's a challenge to not let your eyes and mind wander when you look around.  Women are wearing all the tight spandex workout outfits, midriff shirts, and booty shorts.  While that is bad for the boys, it’s also bad for the girls.  Or maybe it’s just bad for me.  I look around and say to myself, “Gosh I wish I looked like her.” Two seconds later, I see another woman and say the same thing.  It’s kind of hard on the self-image.  And, as much as I love cute work out clothes, I think I’ve decided that you should look downright frumpy when you work out.  I’ve seen girls go back to the locker room more than once to touch up their hair and makeup only to return to working out.  Sickening.  For everyone’s sake, just look like a wreck. 

There are things I love about the gym (as I indicated in the beginning).  I love the diverse sample of people I see every Monday/Wednesday/Friday.  I love getting to people watch a little.  I love to work on my body and love to feel accomplished at the end.  However, there are just some things I don’t like about the gym.  I'm sure you can relate.


ON ANOTHER NOTE...
Happy Valentine's Day! :)  My man gave me a dozen roses and a cute card this morning. :)  I made him a card last night and left it in his office.  Sorry, I don't mean to make you sick.  I just love it.  Anyways, we have most of the wedding invitations out. YAY!  Now we're focusing on the next thing: music.  We'll get it all figured out eventually.

Well, I hope you have a wonderful Valentine's Day (whether or not you celebrate), or a wonderful Singles Awareness Day (whether or not you celebrate).  Thanks for reading!

People I Follow on YouTube

I confess.  I have an addiction.  Actually, if I was going to be really truthful, I have several.  This one is related to the internet specifically.

I am addicted to YouTube.

I have had said addiction for many years.  Sometimes it's really bad and sometimes I go for long periods of time without it.  Depends on my boredom level.  Due to this addiction, I've picked up a few people on YouTube that I LOVE to follow.  I want to share them with you.

ShayCarl

  

Shay Carl is a dad of 4, married to his beautiful wife Katilette, and is one crazy, awesome guy!  His beard has it's own following.  I mean, really.  That has to tell you something.  He has 3 channels, ShayCarl (creativity channel), ShayLoss (weight loss channel), and Shaytards (daily vlog channel).  Shaytards is the second most subscribed to channel of all time on YouTube and that's the one I like best!  I started watching Shay when he and his family lived in Idaho and he was a radio DJ.  He decided to make YouTube his job and moved the family to L.A. so he could collaborate with other popular YouTubers.  They have since moved back to Idaho but they are still that crazy, energetic family that captures the attention of his 760,000 subscribers.  I love watching the "Shaytard's" everyday lives and in a way getting to know them even if they may never get to know me.  

Nalts

 

Nalts is also a professional YouTuber and he was my very first subscription and the beginning of my addiction.  Kevin Nalts is definitely one of the YouTube pioneers.  Kevin Nalts is also a dad of 4 (let me see if I can remember: Katie, Patrick, Grant, Charlie. Yay!) and is married to Jo, aka WifeofNalts. Nalts is the self-deemed "Viral Video Genius" and has written a book about using online video to help your business called "Beyond Viral Video."  Nalts is famous for his pranks.  Jo has a lot of patience.  I give props to that woman.  In his uploads, he also has a lot of creative work as well as some family fun.  Nalts, like Shay, has more than one channel and the one I like the best is UncleNalts daily vlog channel.  Lots of variety from this man's life.

Rhett & Link

 This channel is a little different than the other two I've listed.  Rhett & Link is not a daily vlog channel.  These guys are all creativity.  They've made CDs with their crazy songs and even had their viewers help them design a real 'mythical' shoe!  They also make hilarious 'commercials' for local businesses around the U.S.  They have some of the most inventive and well-done videos on YouTube.  These are some of my favorites from them:  Drive-Thru Folk Song. You HAVE to see it.  The Taco Bell guy deserves a raise.  Another one I like from them is Kid Dumbbells which is just kid & dad heart-melty-goodness!  Also, you may have seen a McDonald's commercial they did based on this video called T-shirt war.

 Kandee Johnson

Kandee is a bubbly, bold, and sweet mother and professional make-up artist.  Her videos are mainly make-up and beauty tutorials.  She has a wide range of looks for you to try out.  She talks make-up tips and tricks, hair care, beauty products, and inner beauty.  She never fails to tell her subscribers that they're beautiful, and even though I don't know her personally she still manages to make me feel special.  Kandee, like most of the other popular YouTubers, has two channels and I am subscribed to both.  One is mainly make-up and beauty stuff.  The other was recently the headquarters for her pregnancy videos!  She had a beautiful baby girl in January and even shares her story about her first home birth experience.  Kandee is the perfect self-esteem pick me up.

So, those are some of my favorite people to follow on YouTube.  Someone else I recommend checking out is 10000 Pennies who does political math.  His illustrations are fun and easy to understand.  Anyways, take some time and check these people out! 

E-Mealz

 

That's right, "E-Meals."

Sounds very modern, doesn't it?  It sounds inedible.  Like it would be a picture of a meal you could carry around on your mobile device.  "Have fun admiring this beautiful food wherever you go!" 

Not quite. :)  I discovered E-Mealz off of the Stuff Christians Like blog by Jon Acuff.  A recent post from Jon is a challenge to eat together as a family and E-Mealz is the sponsor.

I decided to check it out.  I am SO totally going to try this out after I get married.  For $5 a month, you download a meal plan for the week (1 meal a day).  The download includes the schedule, the ingredients needed, and the recipe as well as a pre-made shopping list!  They have many different meal plans that are categorized by store (WalMart, Kroger, any, etc.), special need (weight-loss, gluten-free, vegetarian), as well as by family size (4-6, or 'just us 2').

Their goals posted on the home page are as follows:

• Goal #1
  Spending time with your family 

• Goal #2
  Save time and money

• Goal #3
  Serve delicious food

• Goal #4
  Save yourself from multiple and last minute trips to the grocery store

• Goal #5
  Stare at your children across from the dinner table rather than into the
  pantry looking for a dinner idea

• Goal #6
  Lose weight without preparing separate meals for the family. (Every meal plan is designed to be family friendly, even the weight management plans!)

Personally, I'm excited to try this out.  When I rented a house my last year in college, figuring out what's for dinner was one of my most frustrating experiences.  Like Goal #5 says, I spent a lot of time staring into my pantry and fridge, willing a meal idea to present itself.

Something I like about the E-Mealz plans at first glance is that they seem very real about it.  For example, look at a sample meal plan and at the very bottom of the 'shopping list' page, it makes a mention to if you decide you don't want to use a particular meal, just cross off the corresponding ingredients.  They know you're not going to necessarily follow the plan to the letter.  I mean, I saw one plan that had catfish as the meal.  EW!  So not happening at my house!  They know you're real, and they're just trying to help you out.

Anyways, I totally love the idea of this and when I have to start coming up with meal ideas again when I move into my new house as a wife, I plan to give E-Mealz a try.  Maybe you'd like to as well?  No more staring into the pantry!!!

'Where are the plans?!'

"Where are the plans?"

Do you remember that line?  It's from one of the opening scenes of Star Wars Episode IV.  Darth Vader has one of the 'red shirts' (mixing Sci-Fi references!) by the throat and is demanding to know where the plans that R2-D2 stole went.  My dad used to do that to my brother growing up after we saw that movie.  Not the choking, mind you.  He'd grab my brother around the neck with one hand, my brother would grab my dad's wrist with both of his hands so there wouldn't be any pressure on his neck, and dad would lift him up and say, "Where are the plans?"  Then we'd all giggle.  None of us girls really had the arm strength to hold on like that, but it was a funny little family thing we did. 

Recently, I've still been saying, "Where are the plans?" but I am not participating in a family joke.  I'm starting to wonder quite seriously what the plans are because whatever I do plan goes right out the window.  Wedding planning would be a good example.  We ask an ordained friend of ours to perform our wedding and then find out he can't because he has a mandatory class that day for the adoption he and his wife are trying to go through.  We've since asked other people to do it and keep getting no for an answer.  Then, we set up a time, finally, for counseling and the day it is supposed to start, tragedy befell the couple who was supposed to counsel us in the form of the wife having a stroke.  Now we are searching for new counselors as well.  Also, we had counted on a certain living arrangement to work out and as of this week, that's a no go.  Non-wedding related, I planned to go visit my big sister's family (brand new niece included!), but got sick the week I was scheduled to go and had to cancel.  This has all taken place in the last month.

God apparently has other plans.  Now I'm just waiting to see them.  At this point, I think I've gotten past a good amount of the frustration and just want to know, "Ok then, what is the next step?"

On the upside though, we'll start sending out invitations soon!  We got them finalized this weekend and will get them printed up ASAP.  I'm glad we made progress somewhere.  We also rescheduled my trip to visit my big sister and I'm going to bring my youngest sister along!  It will be her first plane ride.

And now...I'm ready for lunch.

Do Not Feed The Trolls: Crazies on the interwebz

Since the beginning of the internet, there have been crazy people who have misused it.  They've since earned the title, 'trolls.'  I'll admit I used to shadow a forum just to watch the trolls pop up only to be shut down.  IBTZ! (In Before The Zot!).  As the use of the internet has increased, (it's available to more people and there are more pages to view), so have the amount of trolls.

Trolls can be identified by their puerile nature and the burning intent to get under everyone's skin and push all the buttons they can.  You can find them most places where users interact with each other.  Obviously there are degrees of trolling, some users are much more 'troll' than just user, but it always surprises me how crazy people can be on the internet.

Take for example, Family Talk's facebook page in the past week.  Recentlly, they aired a program on vaccines and immunization.  They of course presented their view on the subject:  vaccines recommended.  Much to the disappointment of some of their audience, they did not address the non-vaccination view the way they wanted.  True, while they did not mean to dismiss that part of their audience, they don't usually bring the 'anti-view' on the broadcast.  In order to help the audience feel heard as well as address some of the questions that came up, Ryan Dobson interviewed Dr. Larimore on his show Grounded addressing the questions and comments that accumulated on the facebook page.

However,  this did nothing to pacify the posters.  There are still very vocal non-vaccination audience members posting everyday on the facebook page. Though a discussion tab has been created and a request made for the comments to move in that direction instead of the main wall, the posts continue.  A few of the upset members have even revoked support for the ministry over this one view.  While no one disagrees that it is an important subject and it should be talked out, there is no respect for the requests made by Family Talk to move past this on the main page.  You could almost qualify the continued posts as spamming.

After the request to move the discussion elsewhere was ignored, Family Talk made the decision to block the most active, vocal, and relentless posters.  This raised a whole other set of craziness.  Posters are now crying, 'censorship! censorship!' While I must admit, if my posts were removed from a board or I was blocked, I wouldn't be terribly happy.  In reality, however, if I had been disregarding the requests of the forum, I could expect nothing less.  It is the right of the blog, message board, facebook owner to moderate as they see fit.  You don't follow the rules, you get the boot.  That's the way it works.  Another cry came up that Family Talk is afraid to address them or to get down and dirty in the truth.  I don't believe this to be the case:  respectful posts were kept (ones that are calm headed, still passionate, but not brutal or disregarding the requests made to move on) as well as a discussion thread made in the discussion tab in order for the debate to take place.  This appears a very level-headed and calm decision, not that of a panicked organization trying to avoid 'truth.'

Really, the amount of 'crazies' on any sort of message board or facebook discussion is a low percentage but the ones that are really crazy are the noisiest.  It surprised me the amount of people upset about the immunizations broadcast from Family talk.  I was even more surprised by the adults who couldn't or wouldn't hold a respectful discussion about it.  What's more frustrating is that no sense can be talked in to any of the vehement posters.  No calmness.  No reason.  Not asking them to change their view, just how they present it.  Really, Family Talk took the action they could.  Sometimes, the best way to make them stop is to 'not feed the trolls.'

The crazies on the interwebz.  What are you gonna do?

Essentials For Your 'I have a cold' Kit

Yep. That's what I have.  A cold. Blah.

Hardly unusual for this time of year (is there a time of year when it *is* unusual to get a cold?), today I'm not feeling miserable but breathing would make me feel better.   I went out to the grocery store and bought some stuff to keep in my office.  I took DayQuil over an hour ago and I'm still stuffed.  This got me to thinking though: There are some things that should just be in your 'Cold' kit.

KLEENEX
A no-brainer.
HAND SANITIZER
Always comes after the kleenex.
LOTION
Always comes after the hand sanitizer (keeps your hands from drying out).
VICKS VAPORUB
This has always been in the kit at my house for colds. Helps with coughs and clearing your nose.
VASELINE
Keeps your nose from getting raw.
DEGONGESTANT
Which ever brand you like best.
IBUPROFEN
For when your sinuses make your head hurt like someone hit you.
COUGH DROPS
I like Hall's Defense in assorted citrus.  I get my Vitamin C, my throat gets less sore, and they taste good. 
ORANGE JUICE
I got some 13.5 oz bottles of Simply Orange today. Perfect for keeping with you all day.


I think that pretty well covers the basics.  Of course there are other things which help with a cold:  hot showers, hugs from people you love, and sleep.  But you can't carry those with you all day in your kit. Bummer.


On another note, again I have neglected my blog for some time.  One of these days I will learn discipline, grasshopper.  I won't lie, there's been some stuff going on.  The most urgent of which is Joanne Heim, the 38-year-old wife of a coworker who had a stroke a week ago.  If you would like to be kept up to date on her condition or what's been going on, or would like to help with the medical bills you can do it all on Joanne's blog which her husband has been updating:  thesimplewife.typepad.com

If you're so inclined, wander back into some of the older posts, before the stroke, and read some of her hilarious and helpful posts.  Prayers for her and her family are greatly coveted.

ALSO, thanks to my 2 followers! YAY! :)  Sorry I've been so lazy!